Tag: school

May 6, 2018

~ Campjustin ~ 2 Comments

My English teacher visited me today. She’s my Honors English teacher. To be clear, she’s the English teacher that failed me.

So when I was picking classes in 8th grade I picked Honors English because honors (I wanted to be smart alright). I had NO idea I would’ve been in and out of the hospital for my entire Freshman year at High School. I was set back in her class, and she gave me a D. What kind of English teacher fails their student then visits them at the hospital?

She gave me cards that my class made for me. If I’m going to be honest, I don’t care about the cards at all. I know that the class just made it in fake kindness. They’ll feel bad for a moment, do their “kind” part, then move on.

Sorry, maybe I shouldn’t say that. I’m just so angry! I’m in all this pain everyday. I… I’m struggling to keep my sanity intact.

Maybe I don’t even deserve the cards. What have I done? Complain all day thinking the world was about me? What was I expecting?

Reality is harsh. Out of the 50 million people that could’ve had hypereosinophilia, it was ME. What awesome luck.

If it wasn’t because of that I could’ve had a way better life. I could’ve been a soccer player, been way taller than 5’3”, not had any blood draws in my entire life, and been normal. I COULD’VE BEEN AN ATHLETE!

Oh my god what are these fluctuating emotions.

May 7, 2018

~ Campjustin ~ Leave a comment

They told me if I take this sleeping medication I would fall asleep. It’s 2 AM.

I should be happy with my heart transplant. Not everyone even gets this chance. But I’m not happy.

I want to end my pain. I did not expect this pain. At all.

I can’t sleep because I’m extremely hot. So hot I’m sweating.

I’m experiencing a hot and cold sensation. My circulation is crazy because of my new heart. When I lie down, I feel like I just entered the sauna. Then the heat just keeps on increasing until it’s unbearable. When I pull my blankets off me, I get super cold. It’s like I traveled from the sauna to an 5 AM freezing outdoor swimming pool.

Sitting up isn’t an easy task. I have to squeeze a pillow around my incision area, and do a crunch. Especially being so sore, it takes a lot of effort.

Even when I do catch a break with sleep, I keep getting woken up from the machines beeping, the nurse checking blood pressure, sudden need to use the restroom, and most often the unbearable heat.

At least when the sun is up I have things to do. I can eat, watch movies, talk to my Mom. and… well that’s it. I’m in too much pain to do any homework or work on anything else. I don’t have any video games to play, and the video games in my room are broken. But at least I have something to do!

In the hospital, time is against you. An hour is a day, a day is a month, and a month is a year. If I could somehow speed up time, I would.

At night I usually just stare into the darkness and think. I’ve been having a lot of dark thoughts from all the pain. I’m not suicidal, but I just want the pain to end.

Why me? Why did I have to get this heart transplant? Why did I have to get a heart transplant in the first place?

Was a heart transplant the right choice? I don’t think it is. My new heart is way worse than my old heart. What if I stay this way forever? Then what will happen? I can’t live like this.

May 10, 2018

~ Campjustin ~ Leave a comment

I’m cordless! That stupid pole is now gone!

They stopped dripping medication for my kidneys. Instead, they’ll just insert medications throughout the day.

I can finally walk around without dragging that big stupid pole. Now I can walk outside my unit and downstairs. Walking is a lot more tiring dragging the pole around.

There was a festival today on the 3rd floor. For some reason, Tearaway, a video game, wants to advertise their product at a children’s hospital.

There was a PS4 demo, which was cool. With the PS4, they demonstrated VR. I couldn’t bend my neck around for the VR because of my neck staples. I don’t want to pull at them since they’re practically loose.

They gave me a water bottle, lunch box (like I’d be going to school soon. Ha!), and a blanket.

May 14, 2018

~ Campjustin ~ Leave a comment

Well, I’m not leaving today either. They told me yesterday that I would leave today.

I took my Chinese final today. I take Chinese class, but I have to take the final before school ends, which is in one week.

It was hard taking the final because I take prednisone, a steroid. With prednisone, my hands constantly shake. I can barely write the characters.

The staples, IVs, and PICC lines are out (see May 13, 2018), so I really liked today. I went upstairs to the playroom to play on the 3DS. The hospital has a playroom, where patients can go and… play.

May 18, 2018

~ Campjustin ~ Leave a comment

So the school year is ending on June 1, exactly 2 weeks from today. I still have some homework to work on.

My teachers at school have been super nice. My school counselor contacted all my teachers, and they excused me from my semester finals. All my homework and classwork have been excused too.

I’m working on homework because I need extra credit. Remember when my English teacher visited me at the hospital (see May 6, 2018)? I did horribly in her class. I have a D in her class. Long story short, I had to switch to another English class. Now I’m doing homework for that English class.

I sat down at the Ronald McDonald House’s community dining area with a cup of tea and started to mark and annotate Romeo & Juliet. It was surprisingly hard. My hands keep shaking  that it takes me twice the effort to simply write. My hands keep shaking because I’m on a medication called Prednisone. I think Prednisone is a steroid.

May 19, 2018

~ Campjustin ~ Leave a comment

I went to the hospital prom today.

The hospital prom is more of a “get together”. It’s way more PG than a High School prom.

The hospital school hosts the hospital prom. I’ve been going to the hospital school for the past month to do all my school make up work. They invited me, so might as well go.

The hospital prom was good. I can’t believe the 4 teachers from the hospital school organized this.

The outside of the cafeteria was decorated to create a jungle theme. We were given goodie bags when we entered and we used a sharpie to write our names in them. Inside the goodie bags were little toys.

There were snacks: sandwiches, chips, skewered chicken, jello, popcorn, and salad. There were also a lot of games: hoop toss, miniature basketball, the price is right, and many more. There was a DJ inside and a ukulele band inside.

They had a mini casino. There was blackjack, roulette, and poker. We had no idea how to play so we just watched.

The doctors also introduced me to another person from Pleasanton: an 8th grader who also had a heart transplant.

May 22, 2018

~ Campjustin ~ 1 Comment

I had my first psychology appointment today.

At the hospital, I was miserable and pretty sad, so I was looking forward to my psychology appointment.

I’m required to go to psychology because they think as a teenager I’ll screw up. Turns out a lot of teenagers die after transplant because they refused to take their medications. That’s dumbbbb.

I mean, really? I know you need to fit in, but I wouldn’t risk death. Your life depends on this medication.

For my first psychology appointment I was asked to make a timeline of my life, then write down my goals for 10 years from now.

Okay, when I was 2 I was rushed to the hospital because I was vomiting. It took 2 weeks for the doctors to diagnose me with hypereosinophilic syndrome. My heart was damaged so I needed my first open heart surgery. Then April 10, 2018, I was put on the heart transplant list. On April 27, 2018, I had my heart transplant.

My goals In 10 years: running triathlons, graduated from University, and living with my partner (whoever they are). Oh yeah and a nice job that pays me a 6 digit salary. That’s the good life.

We then talked about adjusting back to “normality”. If someone asks me, “Where were you during the school year?” I’ll just answer “I had some business to take care of.” If they keep pressuring me, then I’ll say “I was visiting my family in China.”

I don’t want to be weird. I don’t know how people would react if I said if I was in the hospital.

I think it’ll be hard for me to go back to school and pretend none of this ever happened. I don’t think I can go back to my old mindset where all I worried about was my grades. I guess what my Mom said was right, “It’s better to live in ignorance than in fear.”

May 23, 2018

~ Campjustin ~ Leave a comment

Remember when my old English teacher visited me at the hospital (see May 6, 2018)? She was my Honors English teacher. Well, she failed me in her class. I think the reason is because I was gone for half the school year and I couldn’t keep up with her class. Also when I came back I didn’t have the energy to do my best on her projects.

Or maybe I’m just dumb.

A week before my heart transplant, I switched out of her class into Regular English. I thought I could make up my grade in her class, but I didn’t expect to be in the hospital again.

In the hospital I emailed my teacher about making up my grade. The school year is ending June 1st, which is under 2 weeks. I have to do my make up work fast.

I spent my entire day doing my English homework. I had to annotate every soliloquy in Romeo & Juliet, and write an essay. My work isn’t that great, but I think it’ll bring my grade up. I’m hoping to get a C.

Unrelated, at the same time I made some bread. I decided to make bread so I could share it with the Ronald McDonald House. Bread’s also convenient to make. I just make some dough, and let it do its thing for a couple of hours.

I don’t know if you remember, but back in the hospital I had a heart pounding sensation. Heart pounding was a major problem for me because it would give me unnecessary anxiety. I still have that feeling, but I’m trying to push my endurance. Cooking is a great way to that. I’m standing and doing physical activity with my fists. Great cardio.

#cooking, #english, #exercise, #heart-pounding, #ronald-mcdonald-house, #school

July 25, 2018

~ Campjustin ~ Leave a comment

Today I left Ronald McDonald house. It couldn’t be more bittersweet.

For one, the Ronald McDonald house was probably the happiest time of my life. I met a lot of people that I became friends with. They provided a network of support which is hard to leave. Everyday was also an adventure. I could walk across to the mall, get food from the common area, talk to people in the kitchen, or explore downtown Palo Alto.

On the other side, I’m glad to leave. I hate being in the hospital. Leaving means I’m healthy, and I want to be normal again. Even though I’ll have a hard time being “normal” again once school starts, I will be.

I’ll always remember my time at the Ronald McDonald house. I’ve met so many people that had amazing stories. I’ll always keep them in my mind.

August 13, 2018

~ Campjustin ~ 1 Comment

Today was the first day of school. It was awful.

I go to Foothill High School, a competitive High School in California. As you pass through the hallways, you can hear people gossiping about homework, test answers, and teachers. The environment is so competitive, that school becomes a student’s life.

At school, I tried explaining my story to one of my trusted classmates today and all they said was “That’d make a great college essay!”

One of the things my transplant education didn’t warn me was that after transplant I had a new perspective on life. I can’t look at my classmates, my school, or my life the same way as before. I realize, unless they went through the same thing I did, they won’t emphasize with me.

I think I can compare this to military veterans. I am not saying that I’m the same or better than a military veteran, just that we can be similar in an aspect. After a veteran from the military is discharged, they can’t view life the same way as before. They’ve seen too much war, too much sadness in life and cruelty in humanity to adjust back into society.

Personally, being in the Ronald McDonald house and constantly being around sick people made me realize the unfairness in life. I don’t know how to adjust from a hospital setting back into a normal setting. Do I try to shove this new perspective away, or continue to acknowledge it?

As I passed from class to class, I realized I couldn’t relate with my classmates anymore. When asked “What did you do over the summer?” I just said “Stayed at home.” I knew that if I said “at the hospital” it would just make them uncomfortable.

Transitioning back to normal life is hard, but all I need is a group of people that’ll understand me. My comfort will be there.

  1. Pages:
  2. 1
  3. 2
  4. 3
  5. 4
  6. 5
  7. 6
  8. 7