15 Years Left

April 7, 2019

What people don’t know is that an average heart after a pediatric transplant lasts for 15 years. A heart after transplant doesn’t last forever.

Before I could was evaluated for the transplant list, I went in for transplant education. When I went in for transplant education, they told me my heart would not last forever.

They emphasized: “transplant is a treatment, not a cure”.

Everything I’m doing right now is to expand the expiration date of my heart. Exercise, nutrition, and constant monitoring is all I can do.

The thing is, it won’t be enough. Even if I do happen to expand my heart for thirty years like Lizzy, I’d still be 45 when I have chronic heart failure again.

I do have hope in medical research. Technology is accelerating at an exponential rate, and we don’t know what’s in the future.

However, for the sake of argument, let’s say my heart only lasts for 15 years and I die at 30.

That is crazy.

In case you didn’t know, I just had my midlife crisis on March 24, 2019. I was 16.

It’s not something teenagers have to deal with, but it’s something I have to deal with.

Also, that’s why I’m writing this right now.

I’ve faced death before, and I never realized it. This time, it’s for real.

Ignoring death isn’t going to do anything for me. I know it’s a long ways off, but I should still prepare myself for it.

So, how do I live my life with such a short lifespan?

I don’t know.

The only thing I know is I want to leave behind a legacy. That’s why I became so invested with this blog.

Even though it has literally no views, I hope it’ll go somewhere in the future.

What is the sake of life? Love? Hope? Mortality?

Again, I don’t know the answer. No one knows the answer.

What I do know is that my life is meaningless. I’m just one in 7 billion.

What we also know is that life is fun. Meaningless, but fun.

Full of hope and sorrow, happiness and sadness, success and failure.

That’s what I’m going to strive for. Hope with the hard times I’ll face, happiness throughout my life, and success with the dreams I imagine in my head.

I know that right now is not the end of my journey. In fact, it’s just the beginning.

In my future I predict obstacles I can’t even fathom right now. But I know with love, hope, and perseverance, I can do anything.

I’m not going to tell you what to do with your life. Your life is up to you.

I’m sorry if this depressed you. Don’t worry, it’s not the facts you have to live with.

If you want to take away something from this, just remember there’s hope in this life. Life is pretty confusing, weird, and overall miserable, but it’s also kind, hopeful, and wonderful.

Some people try to focus on their passions and legacy, others on short term, dopamine releasing fun, and a lot on careers and what society expects of them.

Live your life to the fullest, and no regrets.

October 9, 2019

So I hate it when people preach as if they’re the masters of the Universe, and that’s why I’ll try not to. I know people hate it when they’re lectured by someone else, especially by a sixteen-year-old. 

These are just my thoughts. Or my philosophies of life (oh boy, get ready for all the corny cliches!). If you agree with them, cool! 👍

I don’t know where to start. It seems like I think of this all the time, but once I want to write it down my mind goes blank.

I guess I can start by saying my blog doesn’t get a lot of views. Which is fine, but I wished it had a bit more.

I try very hard. And it doesn’t show. People mistake me for having the perfect life, but I’m not that perfect.

I put myself out there because I can. I’m a pretty open book (with a few scandalous secrets), and some people don’t agree with that. They can’t imagine doing that but that’s fine. 

I don’t want fame, I want a legacy. Which is, y’know, same-same but not really. I don’t care about the tabloids or fans begging me for their autographs, I want to make an impact on this world.

My goal in life is to create a legacy for myself. I don’t want to be pessimistic, but I should be realistic: it’s most likely not going to happen.

I have this type of mindset because I don’t want to waste my life. Being in the hospital, I saw so many people not make it. It’s just not right.

We all have to die at some point, but why in their youth? I mean…

It’s different how in our society we value the youth more than the adult. At least in my view, the loss of someone young is more emotional because they didn’t have a chance to live a full life. They had a lot of potential to be something, do something, create something and now it’s just gone.

An adult dies and we’re like “okay.” They already lived their life; they became someone, did something, created something. So when an adult dies its less sad.

Which is weird? Because my mom told me, in China it’s the opposite (I could be totally wrong though). China used to be an impoverished country and children died all the time. You could always pop out another,

But when an adult dies you mourn that the individual who was there and did so much good isn’t here anymore. They’re gone.

I just think we’re all scared of death. I feel you could be ninety or ten, Pope Francis or atheist, assassinated or peacefully, we’re at least a little bit scared of it.

I’m scared of death.

I try not to be, but I’m such a weenie. And I know it’s not normal for someone my age to think of death that often, but my entire thing is death.

Organ donation is about death. I have a dead person’s heart in my body. Someone had to die for me to live. 

If I ignored this chunk of my life, I could probably be normal, but I don’t think I can. I’m such a wuss.

It’s ridiculously easy to die. Just put a gun against your head and *boom* you’re dead. 

It’s the uncertainty of death that scares me. And I don’t want to be scared right now, so I won’t go into it.

But there is one thing I live by: the only certainty is uncertainty. Which is what I apply to myself.

Especially right now, everyone around me is talking “in the future I want to be…” or “in the future I want to…” The thing is, what if there is no future?

Do you consider the fact that a car could run you over and bam! Dead. Or a shooter could come into the school and then that’s it? 

They don’t take it into account because they think the future is guaranteed. Also, what kind of freak thinks about death?

Everyday is a blessing. It really is. 

The fact that I’m able to wake up, stretch my arms, and hit the snooze button to go back to sleep is a blessing.

In my opinion, “live everyday to the fullest” is such baloney (I told myself I shouldn’t curse on this blog). I can’t live everyday like it’s my last! I don’t have that kind of energy. 

What I try to do is appreciate the fact that I’m alive. The fact that I’m alive, well, and not in pain.

Some people take life as a blessing. Some people take life as a curse. Whatever you take it, life is life. Life is weird. 🤷‍♂️ Oh well. What can you do.

If you don’t notice, I’m a little aggressive. In a year I’ve started a blog, authored a cookbook, been on TV, been on Tasty, and go to multiple speaking events.

I’m aggressive because I want to build a legacy. I want to build a legacy so I can die happy.

Death is ridiculously easy. But when I die, I don’t want my death to be scarier or sadder than it should be. I want to make my death as easy and peaceful as I can.

And I know that living your life just for one moment in time may seem wrong, but in my opinion, it’s not. It guarantees me to live a fulfilled life.

Claire Wineland said that when she died, she had a fear not for death, but for what she hadn’t done. She regretted the times she had the ability to do something, and she didn’t.

I know that my blog will probably never take off, but that’s fine. I’m satisfied with what it’s done. 

My blog will always be (or hopefully 🤞, you can’t be certain) online. It’ll outlive me and be available for whoever is interested in it.

Anyways, that’s just what I think. I decided to write this because I’ve been lazy and wanted to update my blog. So yeah!

Hello future Justin Wang! Are you still alive? How are you?

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