Becoming “Normal”

With a chronic illness, life just stops. Your world comes at a screeching halt, but everyone’s world keeps turning.

It’s hard to talk about your illness to others because they could never understand. They can’t, and they won’t.

No one likes to talk about it. No one wants to talk about it.

After I had my heart transplant, my doctors acted as if I was “cured”. Now I can go back to school, have fun with my friends, and become “normal”.

What the doctors can’t understand is that I can never become normal again. I’ve seen too much, hear too much, and felt too much.  

It’s like a big scar that no one can see but yourself. I’m left with a scar that no one knows about.

I can try to become normal by suppressing my experiences, but do I really want to do that?

When I try to talk about this with my friends they try to ignore me. Suddenly their phone goes off, need to go to the bathroom, or try to change the topic.

‘Did you hear about Ariana Grande’s new album?”

I don’t talk to people about my stuff anymore. I don’t even try to bother because I know it’s useless.

If people want to talk about petty things, fine. I’ll listen to how “Miranda stole your man” or “the math test was so hard”.

It’s just that, where’s the kindness in people? Is empathy too much to ask for?

It can’t be healthy bottling up all these emotions, but it’s all we can do.

A reason I started this blog was to help me cope. If nobody would talk to me, at least I could talk to myself.

If you want someone to talk to, contact me. I promise I won’t ignore you. I’ll give you empathy: I’ll listen.

I don’t think I can be normal again.

And y’know what?

That’s okay.

Being different is okay.

After going through everything, we’re given a new perspective of life. We need to stop hiding that perspective, and start embracing it.

It’s a gift, and we should start treating it like it is.

Our differences can change our family, our community, and maybe the world.

What sets you apart can sometimes feel like a burden and it’s not. And a lot of the time, it’s what makes you great.

Emma Stone